Being a wife is worth more than being a girlfriend, not as
simple as just dating but calls for more work than expected. Asides being a
mother, a cook, a home maker, etc. there are many other components that a man
expects, and once these qualities are present, you’ll not just end up being a
good wife but the kind of woman every man prays for. Be_Inspired!!!
1
Be Understanding
i)
Your husband doesn't have clairvoyant powers. If you
want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure
he'll "come around" or you'll never get anything done. If you want to
be able to express how you feel, you should be able to speak with a positive
tone and to listen to what your husband says instead of being accusatory. Here
are some ways to do it:
Send "I messages." Instead of accusing him of not
meeting your needs, focus the conversation on yourself. For instance, tell him,
"I feel ignored when I don't see you until 6:30 every night."
Listen to what he says. When he tells you something, repeat
what he said back to him so that he knows you understand. For example, "I
hear you saying that you're worried about finances, and that's why you've been
working late."
Avoid passing judgment. Let him finish what he's saying
before you respond. After he's done talking, offer a solution. For instance,
say, "I'm willing to live on a tighter budget if that means that I get to
see you more often."
ii)
Pick your battles.
Some issues are worth fighting about, and some aren't.
If you spend all of your time nitpicking your husband about minor problems that
don't really matter, then he's not going to listen to you when major issues
come up.
Criticism can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are
clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag your husband about how to load the
dishwasher "the right way." Let him do things his own way. Don't
sweat the small stuff.
Avoid criticizing your husband without doing it
constructively. Remember to try to be calm and rational, as strong emotions can
easily turn a discussion into an argument. If you criticize every little thing
he does, then he will quickly tune you out.
You should praise your husband for the things he does right
much more than you argue with him about things that he does wrong. This will
make him much more likely to listen to you, and much happier to be around you.
iii)
Fight right. Don't let anger take over because it may
cause you to say things that you will regret later. Even when you don't agree
with your husband, you need to respect his opinion and his viewpoint. To be a
good wife, you need to understand that you may never agree on certain issues.
No couple has an identical set of morals and beliefs, which means that both of
you will need to learn to cope with occasions where you just can't resolve your
opinions.
Talk to him at the right time. Don't just spring your
problems on him whenever. Avoid bringing up problems before dinner, while he's
paying bills or when he's immersed in a stressful situation, like fixing a
problem with your car. And never, ever start an argument in front of your
children.
When you're wrong, admit it. You need to learn to respond to
arguments and remain rational so you can recognize and apologize when you've
made a misstep.
Never talk to your friends or your family and say negative
things about your husband if you're not communicating with him first. Talking
about your husband behind his back is disloyal. When you get married, your
first loyalty is to your partner, not to your birth family or your social group.
Complaining about your husband to your friends and family
will not only not solve any of your problems, but it will also make them view
your relationship in a more negative light.
Your friends and family may think they know what's best for
you, but they don't know your relationship as well as you do and may
unintentionally give you bad advice.
2
Be Accepting
i)
Neither of you are perfect. Unmet expectations tend to
frustrate everyone. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic,
then you need to set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair
to expect lavish possessions and have the love of your life home for every
meal. If you want more together time, then be prepared to have that desire
fulfilled at some expense.
Remember that no relationship is perfect. If you expect to
get along with your husband and be happy 100% of the time, it won't work out
for you.
Have realistic financial expectations, too. Maybe you and
your husband aren't as far along financially as you hoped you'd be five or ten
years down the line -- that's perfectly normal. Work on appreciating what you
do have instead of expecting more.
ii)
Accept him as he is and let him know that you would
never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if
only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual,
just like you are. Love him for who he is, and he'll love you unconditionally
in return.
Accept that you and your husband are not the same person. He
won't always see the world the same way that you do, and that's a good thing.
Being with someone who isn't exactly like you will make your relationship
richer.
There's a difference between asking your husband to clean up
more around the house and making him become a hiking fanatic when he hates the
outdoors. You can ask him to improve in different areas, but you can't force
him to like all of the same things you do.
You will experience crises together, from the loss of
a job to the death of a parent. You may suffer financial hardship, or you may
find yourselves unexpectedly wealthy and unsure of what to do. Your marriage
can survive the changes if you're willing to keep communicating and being
flexible. Here are some things to keep in mind as you learn to accept change:
Remember that whatever changes happen, you and your husband
are dealing with them as a team, not as people on the opposite side of a
battle. Dealing with the changes together makes them much more manageable.
Roll with the changes in your love life. Though you and your
husband may still be passionately in love, don't get disappointed if he doesn't
want to make love every night or to kiss you twenty times a day like he did
when you were newlyweds. You can still keep your love strong without wanting it
to be exactly the same as it was when you first got married.
Roll with the changes with your bodies. Though you may work
hard to stay fit and eat healthy, you have to accept that your 50-year-old
selves probably aren't as svelte as your 25-year-old selves, and that's okay.
Accept that
having children changes a relationship.
You and your husband's
relationship will undoubtedly change and evolve once you bring kids into the
equation. This doesn't mean it'll change for the worse, but it will mean that
you will be spending a lot of your free time focusing on your kids instead of
each other. Accept that this will change your relationship and work to make it
thrive in new ways.
To help this transition, work together to spend time with
the kids, when you can, instead of isolating yourselves by taking turns.
Find new fun activities that the whole family can do
together to help you and your husband stay strong as you raise your kids.
Strengthen your relationship by acting as a united front
with your husband. You should agree on how to raise and discipline your kids so
that you don't get into "good cop" and "bad cop" mode and
position yourselves against each other when it's time to control your children.
v)
If you want to be accepting as a wife, then you have to be
able to accept your husband's mistakes and to sincerely respect his apologies
for doing something wrong (as long as it doesn't compromise you in a big way).
If you hold a grudge too long, you won't be able to appreciate the good things
about your husband, so it's best to accept his apologies, talk about how he
won't upset you again in this way, and move forward instead of harboring resentment
about the past.
Accept your own mistakes, too. Don't be so focused on being
the perfect wife that you can't admit when you're wrong.
Admitting when you're wrong will help both of you grow as a
couple.
Be a Good
Companion
If he needs more sex, then open your mind to the
possibilities. If he needs time with friends or time to pursue a hobby, then
don't be possessive. He'll be happier, and he'll be grateful to you for your
respect. You should meet his needs, or at least some of them, without doing
anything that feels uncomfortable to you.
If he wants more sex, then consider having more sex with
him, or think about why it doesn't appeal to you. But do not force yourself to
do something you're not comfortable with just for his benefit. Instead, talk to
him about it so he understands how you're feeling, and together you can decide
on something you're both comfortable with.
If he's missing his time out with the boys, let him have a
boy's night and have a girl's night of your own.
If he wants time to pursue his hobbies, let him take the
time. He'll grow as a person from doing his own thing, and this will benefit
your relationship.
ii)
Develop true intimacy and unconditional acceptance.
Demonstrate a willingness to be vulnerable, and be confident that your
relationship can withstand conflict. Enjoy your shared history and your “inside
jokes.” Forward him articles you know that he'll find interesting or just sit
with him in companionable silence. Even your silence will say volumes when your
marriage is strengthened by true friendship.
Though you should maintain other meaningful friendships so
your life is full of love and laughter, at the end of the day, your husband
should be the person that you turn to.
Aim to be the person that your husband has the most fun with
instead of his best friend or his favorite uncle. You should be his #1 go-to
person, whether he needs a good laugh or a good cry.
iii)
Never lose sight of the dreams that you share. Whether
your dreams include retiring to a warm climate or taking a trip abroad for your
twentieth anniversary, embrace your dreams, talk about them and take steps to
make them happen. If you and your husband's dreams don't intersect, then you'll
be creating a rift as you both move further towards your goals, or if one of
you doesn't get what he or she wants.
It's healthy to have your own dreams along with your
husband's, but you should make sure that none of your dreams are completely in
conflict.
Even if your shared dreams are lofty, you still need to talk
about them to keep your passion alive.
iv)
Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life.
If your husband leaves tomorrow, would you still have your own friends that you
see at least once a month, hobby clubs you go to or sports that you play? If
not, your husband will always be working to fill a void he cannot fill, and
will feel inadequate. When you're fulfilled as an individual, then you have a
lot more to bring to the relationship. You will be a much better companion if
you can draw from your own interests, experiences, and insights.
If your husband thinks that he's the only good thing
happening in your life, then he's bound to feel trapped.
Continue to pursue the hobbies or interests that were
meaningful to you before the relationship. Though you may not be able to keep
up with all or most of them, you should make time for the ones that were really
meaningful to you.
v)
Men and women deal with stress all day and every day. Do
what you can to help each other deal with the stress of everyday life. Making
sure that you are able to cope with your own stresses will take pressure off of
your marriage. If one of you is chronically stressed out while the other
doesn't understand why, then you'll have a problem.
Help your husband manage his stress by talking about it and
treating him with extra care when he's had a rough day instead of making him
feel worse by being angry that he's tired or withdrawn.
When you're stressed, let your husband know how you're
feeling so he can pick up the slack around the house and help you out.
4
Make Time for Romance
i)
No matter how busy you are, how stressful your job is, or
how many kids you have, you need to make time to spend a romantic evening with
your husband. If you don't have kids, aim for once a week, and if you do, try
to squeeze in a date once every two weeks or as often as you can. Though it may
sound corny, dressing up and going somewhere nice and special can renew your
romantic connection and give you a breath of fresh air away from your home.
Your "date night" doesn't have to be
romantically-themed. You can go bowling, play mini-golf, or even go for a night
run together. Just do whatever you can to connect and spend some time together.
ii)
You may feel that sex has to be spontaneous, but if you
don't add it to your schedule, you may start to neglect it. Without the
frequent intimate acceptance and love that comes from your lovemaking, a person
can become dissatisfied, grumpy, and ultimately suffer from feelings of
rejection and even anger. Remember lovemaking gives an intimacy and physical
release that is vital for both of you.
In most relationships, each partner has different needs and
expectations regarding the frequency of physical intimacy. Find a happy medium
with your husband. Couples who feel responsible for meeting the needs of their
lover tend to be happier in their relationship.
iii)
After a while, you make do with a peck on the lips instead
of with full-on French kissing. Make it a goal to share at least one six-second
kiss with your husband each day, or every morning and night, even if you don't
have more time for intimacy than that. You don't want your husband to think
that kissing you is no different than dutifully kissing his children -- the
passion should still be present in your kisses.
When you do make love, don't go straight to sex. Make sure
that kissing is an integral part of your love making. It's great foreplay.
iv)
Ban television sets, laptops and work-related materials.
Your bedroom should be dedicated to sleep and sex. If you bring in your
children's toys, the nightly news, or the extra work you have to do, then you
won't think of your bedroom as a special and sacred place. Maintaining an area
of the house for sleep and sex will make your love -- and lovemaking -- feel
more special and vital to your relationship.[4]
You and your husband can work together to remove any
irrelevant items from your bedroom. This can also turn in to a fun couple's
activity.
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