1.
Stop thinking that your way is the “right” way.
If
he does something differently, it does not mean that it’s wrong. When a wife
insists on having her own way, she is in essence saying, “I have to be in
control.”
2.
Don’t put others before your husband.
God
designed companionship in marriage so that a husband and wife can meet one
another’s need for a close, intimate, human relationship. He even said in
Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that the man should be alone.”
So
what happens when you put your mother, a friend, or even a child before your
spouse? Actually, you take a step (often unintentional) toward isolation in
your marriage. If you choose, for example, to spend an afternoon shopping with
your mom when your husband asked you to watch a football game with him, you may
leave hubby feeling that he has second place in your heart.
3.
Don’t expect your husband to be your girlfriend.
Most
men and women not only look different physically, but also have unique ways of
processing life. One example of this is the need for conversation. I don’t know
about you, but sometimes I’m guilty of wearing out my husband with countless
conversational details that he doesn’t really care about. Now if he were a
girlfriend, all of those details would definitely matter!
4.
Don’t dishonor your husband.
Suggestions
included: Stop all nagging and don’t correct hubby in front of others. If you
finish your husband’s sentences, you may be unintentionally communicating, “I
don’t really care about what you have to say.”
5.
Stop expecting your husband to fail you as your dad failed your mom.
“I
spent many years waiting for my husband to give up and walk out on me, like my
dad had years earlier,” said one friend. Her unfounded fears had robbed her
marriage of much joy.
6.
Don’t put your husband on the defensive.
For
example, if you are driving around a section of town looking for a restaurant
and he’s obviously lost, does it really help for you to tell him that he’s been
going around the same block for the fifth time? One wise wife said that she’s
learned to be quiet in situations like this. Now, before she makes a comment,
she weighs her words—asking herself: “Are my words needed? Would they be
encouraging?” Proverbs 10:19 says, “When words are many, transgression is not
lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.”
7.
Never use sex to bargain with your husband.
Some
women intentionally or unintentionally say to their husbands, “When I get what
I want, you get sex.” However, 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 reminds husbands and wives
that their bodies are not their own. “Do not deprive one another …”
8.
Stop reminding your husband about things over and over.
Don’t
make him feel guilty or nitpick him about small stuff. One friend said that
when we constantly remind our husbands about diet, weight, medication, picking
up the dry cleaning, etc., we are actually acting more like his mother than his
wife.
9.
Don’t make your husband earn your respect.
Many
women think, I’ll respect him when he earns it. But there’s a
reason that Ephesians 5:33 says, “Let the wife see that she respects her
husband.” As one friend said: “If women could learn to
understand that respect is a man's native tongue, that it absolutely heals his
heart and ministers to him like nothing else, it would make the biggest
difference in the world.”
10.
Stop giving your husband your long term to-do list.
A
colleague warns against overwhelming your husband with too much information.
You may unintentionally cause him to feel like a failure, thinking that your
long list means you are discontent. Or, he may incorrectly assume that you want
him to do something immediately.
11.
Don’t act like your spouse is a mind reader.
Instead,
be specific about your requests. One busy mom said that she used to feel
overwhelmed with household chores, wishing her spouse would help her. She now
realizes that the only way he knows her needs is when she tells him. “Most
often,” she says, “when I simply say, ‘Honey, will you tuck the kids in tonight
while I get the kitchen cleaned up,’ he is glad to help.” She’s discovered that
a few words are all it takes “to change a resentment-filled, stressed-out night
into a team-effort bonding time.”
12.
Stop putting housework ahead of hubby.
One
young mom told her husband that she didn't want to make love one night because
she had just changed the sheets and she wanted them to stay clean. What do you
think that response said to her husband? Another woman, who puts her husband
ahead of the housework, said: “Do not leave the unfolded laundry on your
marriage bed.”
13.
Put an end to taking the lead because you think he won't take it.
“The
first many years of our marriage,” one wife said, “I would see what needed to
be done and get frustrated that my husband would not take charge and get it
done.” She went on to say that she’s changed by learning to wait on her
husband’s leadership. “I really believe,” she says, “that our men don't lead
because we women are too quick to jump in and take care of it all.”
Ephesians
5:23 says, “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head
of the church, his body … .”
14.
Do not expect your husband to be Prince Charming.
After
all, the perfect husband only exists in fairy tales and your marriage exists in
real life. One young wife said that instead of focusing on her husband’s
shortcomings, she’s learned to recognize the wonderful things about him. What’s
been the result? He’s been encouraged to do even more to be the man of her
dreams.
15.
Never look first to a self-help book, a plan, or a person to fix a problem in
your marriage.
Instead
go to God’s Word and believe and act on the things that He says. “He will lead
me to any resources I need,” one woman said. “God has already given us
everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3) but we have to live
according to the promises and expect Him to show up for us.”
Be_Inspired!!!
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