1.
1
Watch for physiological signs of anger.
Anger is certainly a psychological emotion, but it is also
physiological, involving chemical reactions in your brain. [1] When
you get angry, your amygdala, the center for emotional processing, sends a
distress signal to your hypothalamus, which sends epinephrine along your
autonomic nervous system through the path of the sympathetic nervous system to
the adrenal glands, which starts pumping epinephrine (adrenaline) throughout
your body. The adrenaline gets your body ready to meet a threat, increasing
your heart rate and sharpening your senses. [2]
·
This process serves a biological purpose (preparing you for
fight or flight), but if you have an anger problem, your threshold for what
triggers this physiological response may be too low (for example, if you get
angry at a coworker for playing music too loudly).
2.
2
Take inventory of
your emotions.
Anger often masks
another emotion; many times, anger is a secondary emotion to hurt, sadness,
grief, depression, or fear.[3] Anger
emerges as almost a defense mechanism because it is easier for many people to
deal with than the other emotions. Think about whether you allow yourself to
feel a wide range of emotions or if you may be suppressing emotions that you
think you “shouldn’t” feel.
·
If you commonly substitute anger for other emotions that you
find more difficult to deal with, consider seeing a therapist to learn to
handle and accept those emotions.
3.
3
Accept that anger
can be a normal, healthy emotion.
Anger is not always
a bad thing. Anger can serve a healthy purpose by protecting you against
continued abuse or wrongdoing. [4] If
you perceive that someone is harming you, you will likely become angry, and
that anger will prompt you to confront the person or end the harm in another
way.
·
Some people are taught that it is impolite to feel or express
anger. But suppressing natural feelings of anger can have negative effects on
your emotions and your relationships with others.
4.
4
Watch for signs that
your anger is out of control.
While anger can be
healthy, it can also be unhealthy. You may need to deal with an anger problem
through self-help or professional help if the following are true:
·
Insignificant occurrences make you very angry, such as spilled
milk and accidentally dropping an object.
·
When you’re angry, you display aggressive behaviors, including
yelling, screaming, or hitting.
·
The problem is chronic; it happens over and over again.
·
You have an addiction, and when you are under the influence of
drugs or alcohol, your temper gets worse and your behavior more violent
.
2
Controlling
Chronic Anger
1.
1
Engage in physical
activity.
The endorphins that
come from exercise can help you calm down, and moving your body provides a
physical outlet for your rage: in this way, exercise can help in the moment of
anger. However, maintaining a regular exercise schedule can also help you
regulate your emotions in general. [5][6] While
you exercise, focus on thinking about the exercise and your body, not what has
been on your mind lately. Some forms of exercise that might appeal to you and
help you control your anger include:
·
Running/Jogging
·
Weight training
·
Cycling
·
Yoga
·
Basketball
·
Martial arts
·
Swimming
·
Dance
·
Boxing
·
Meditating
2.
2
Get enough sleep at
night.
Most adults need at
least 7-8 hours of sleep per night to thrive.[7] Being
sleep deprived can contribute to a wide range of health problems, including the
inability to manage emotions properly. Getting adequate sleep can improve your
mood and lessen your anger.
·
If you have chronic sleep problems, consult your physician. You
may be able to make dietary or lifestyle changes to improve your sleep. You may
also be able to try herbal or medicinal supplements to sleep more.
3.
3
Keep an anger
journal.
Begin writing down
details about your anger. If you have an episode or event in which you lost
control of your emotions, write it down. Be sure to include exactly how you
felt, what caused you to be angry, where you were, who you were with, how you
reacted, and how you felt afterwards.[8] After
you have kept your journal for a while, you should begin to look for
commonalities among entries to identify the people, places, or things that
trigger your anger.
·
A sample journal entry may look like this: Today, I became very
angry at a coworker. He called me selfish for not offering to pick up lunch for
everyone. We were in the lounge area, and I was taking a break from a stressful
day by eating a cheeseburger from the restaurant next door. I got really angry
and yelled back at him, called him a name and stormed off. I punched the desk
when I got back to my office. Then I felt guilty and ashamed and hid in my
office the rest of the day.
·
Over time, you may evaluate your journal and find that being
called a name (such as selfish) is a trigger for your anger.
4.
4
Put together an
anger management plan
. Once you begin to
identify triggers to your anger, [9] you
can make a plan for dealing with those triggers. Using the strategies for
controlling anger listed in Part 1 can help, along with scripting an if-then
response ahead of time.
·
For example, you may know that you are going to visit your
mother-in-law, who makes disparaging remarks about your parenting style. You
could decide ahead of time, “if she makes a comment about my parenting, I will
calmly tell her that I appreciate her input, but I am going to make decisions
about the way that I parent regardless of how she feels about those opinions.”
You may also decide that you will leave the room or even pack up and go home if
you feel that your anger is growing.
5.
5
People using assertive expression of anger acknowledge the needs
of both parties involved in a disagreement. [11] To
practice assertive expression, you should stick to the facts involved (not
exaggerated by emotion), communicate requests (rather than demands) in a
respectful way, communicate clearly, and express your feelings effectively.
·
This approach differs from passive expression, which involves
being angry without saying anything, and aggressive expression, which generally
manifests as an explosion or outburst that generally seems disproportionate to
the problem. [12]
·
For example, if you are angered by a coworker playing music
loudly every day while you are trying to work, you could say, “I understand
that you enjoy listening to music while you are working, but the music makes it
difficult for me to focus on my work. I would like to request that you use
headphones instead of playing the music aloud so that it is not a distraction
to your coworkers and so that we can all have a pleasant work environment.”
6.
6
Find a local anger
management program.
Anger management
programs can help you learn to deal with anger and control your emotions
healthily. [13] Attending
a group class can help you feel as though you are not alone in your situation,
and many people find that peer groups are as helpful as individual therapy for
some kinds of problems.
·
To find an anger management program that is right for you, try
searching online for “anger management class” plus the name of your city,
state, or region. You can also include search terms like “for teens” or “for
PTSD” to find a group tailored to your specific situation.
·
You can also look for appropriate programs by asking your
physician or therapist, or consulting the self-improvement course offerings at
your local community center.
7.
7
See a mental health
professional.
If your anger has
progressed to the point that it's interfering with your day-to-day life or your
ability to maintain positive relationships, see a therapist. He or she can
assess the root of your problem and whether or not you require therapy,
medication, or some combination of both. A therapist can give you relaxation
techniques to use in situations that make you feel angry. She can help you
develop emotional coping skills and communication training. [14]
·
You can search for a therapist specializing in anger management
in North America here and in the United Kingdom here.
3
Controlling Anger in the Moment
1.
1
Take a break as soon
as you recognize that you're angry.
You can take a break by stopping what you're doing, getting away
from whatever is irritating you, and/or just taking a breather. Getting away
from whatever is upsetting you will make it infinitely easier to calm down.
·
Remember that you do not have to respond to a situation
immediately. You can count to 10 or even say “I will think about it and get
back to you” to give yourself additional time to cool down as necessary.[15]
·
If you're angry at work, go to a room or step outside for a
moment. If you're driving to work, consider sitting in your car so that you're
in a space you own.
·
If you're upset at home, go to a single-occupancy space (such as
the bathroom) or for a walk or go for a walk with someone you trust or that can
help you.
2.
2
Let yourself feel
angry.
It is perfectly
normal to experience emotions such as anger. Allowing yourself a little time
and space to feel angry may help you accept the anger and move on. Once you
move on, you can stop returning to the anger and reliving the reason that you
were angry.[16]
·
To allow yourself to experience your anger, think about locating
it in your body. Do you feel anger in your stomach? In your clenched fists?
Find your anger, let it be, then let it go.
3.
3
Breathe deeply.
If your heart hammers with rage, slow it down by controlling
your breathing. Deep breathing is one of the most important steps in
meditation, which can contribute to controlling emotions. [17] Even
if you do not fully “meditate,” using deep breathing techniques can offer
similar benefits. [18]
·
Count to three as you inhale, hold the breath in your lungs for
three more seconds, and count to three again as you exhale. Focus only on the numbers as you do this.
·
Be sure that each breath in fully fills your lungs, causing your
chest and belly to expand. Exhale fully each time, and pause between the exhale
and the next inhale.
·
Keep breathing until you feel that you have regained control.
4.
4
Visualize a
"happy place."
If you're still having a difficult time calming down,
imagine yourself in a scene you find incredibly relaxing. It could be your
childhood backyard, a quiet forest, a solitary island or even in an imaginary
land - any place that makes you feel at home and peaceful. Focus on imagining
every detail of this place: the light, the noises, the temperature, the
weather, the smells. Keep dwelling on your happy place until you feel
completely immersed in it, and hang out there for a few minutes or until you
feel calm.
5.
5
Practice positive
self-talk.
Changing the way
that you think about something from negative to positive (known as “cognitive
restructuring”) [19] can
help you deal with your anger in a healthy way. After you have given yourself a
moment to calm down, "discuss" the situation with yourself in
positive and relieving terms.
·
For example, if you experience road rage, you could try turning
from “That idiot almost killed me! I want to kill him too!” to "That guy
almost sideswiped me, but maybe he was experiencing an emergency and I'll
probably never have to see him again. I feel lucky that I'm alive and my car is
unscratched. I'm fortunate that I can still drive, and I can continue to be
calm and focused when I get back on the road."
6.
6
Ask for the support
of someone you trust.
Sometimes sharing
your concerns with a close friend or confidant might help you vent your anger.
Clearly express what you want from the other person. If you just want a sounding
board, state at the beginning that you don't want help or advice, just
sympathy. If you're looking for a solution, let the other person know.
·
Set a time limit. Give yourself a set amount of time to vent
about what's upsetting you, and stick to it - when time is up, your rant is
over. This will help you move on instead of dwelling on the situation
endlessly.
7.
7
Try to see some
humor in what angered you.
After you've calmed
down and established that you're ready to get over the incident, try to see the
lighter side. Casting the incident in a humorous light can actually change the
chemical response in your body from anger to humor. [20]
·
For example, if someone runs you off the road in your car, you
might think about how silly it is that they might get where they are going 15
seconds faster by not yielding to you. You can have a good chuckle about how
their priorities are out of order and move on with your life.
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